…But sometimes it just flows so easily!
I think sometimes being a mum can be the hardest job in the world, yes its rewarding and I love being a mum, but it can push you to the end of your limits and back again within the space of minutes. But on some days, it is the easiest thing in the world to be a parent, because no matter how hard life has gotten, or how stressed you are, you can look at those little people you created and see so much love, admiration, imagination, beauty and love (Again)! And on those days, I feel like I could conquer the world. It is also so easy when you are feeling stressed or tired to forget how lucky we are to have been blessed with these beautiful children.
Why am I feeling gushy today? Well, I guess I just feel proud, happy to have such wonderful children, blessed to have perfectly healthy children to hug every night, and well, the list could go on. We joined in the wave of light for baby loss awareness yesterday, and I guess it always leaves me feeling blessed and thankful. I suffered a very early miscarriage a couple of years ago, and we had been trying for another baby in the last few years but were unsuccessful due to my illness. I have accepted our baby journey has come to an end, but it was still hard to go through everything. But I could never even begin to imagine other peoples heartbreak of miscarriages and baby loss. Taking a moment to join together on October 15th to raise awareness for miscarriage and still births is such a poignant and beautifully sad time, it does make you reflect on your own life. Knowing people who have been through stillbirth and miscarriage lately, it is something I reflect on a lot. I am not sure what made this year different, but it has really made me stop and see everything I am thankful for.
More specifically today, I guess I am feeling proud and honoured to not only be a mum, but be their mum, Monkey and Poppets. I often struggle as a mummy to share how happy and proud I am of my two children, I wouldn’t want to appear to be bragging or showing off, I will talk about them in conversation until the cows come home but I don’t generally start a conversation on how they are are doing something well, or have excelled in something, but I realised I want to share when my beautiful children have done well, and I want my friends to feel able to do the same with me, we should all share and congratulate each other, without feeling like its a competition or “bragging”. Now I’m not saying thats what my friends or people I know do, because I don’t think they do. Its definitely me feeling like this, I think I feel like thats what I would sound like and so don’t, nothing to do with what anyone has ever said to me. I guess I just worry that being proud will come across as bragging, I don’t know where this feeling has come from, but I guess I don’t like the idea of making someone else feel uncomfortable. But I don’t want that to be how I feel anymore, I want to show how proud I am, I want to share their successes, and I probably will have a moan about them when they’re being pains too! But thats ok! I think everyone should be with people they feel comfortable to be able to do this with.
We had reports home from school last week, which then leads into parents evening. Both monkey and poppet had excellent reports and I couldn’t be more proud of everything they have achieved. They are two very different children, both doing amazing academically but Monkey is much more creative and imaginative and Poppet is your usual academic sort. They both love to read though, which makes my heart sing. As an avid reader, I am glad I have two small bookworms.
Parents evening went amazingly as well, and we had no complaints and instead focussed on what we as parents, and the children can be doing to keep working hard and be the best version of themselves they can be, which is wonderful. Its also nice to see, as even though as I say they are both doing amazingly well academically, we also got to talk about them as children and their interests and personalities. As especially for monkey – getting to show his creative and imaginative side is also so important to him. I can already see his teacher appreciates this side to him, and recognises he is just a wonderful fun, open boy which is incredible; as it is only October.
Its a wonderful thing to have a school that recognises the children for who they are, not necessarily just for how they do academically. Monkey might be very creative but Poppet also has a lot going on – she does a lot of extra curricular activities. She works hard after school on weekends and is progressing so well and is taking on extra classes to improve in her first love and passion: ballet. I am not a dancer so I just have to listen to what she wants to do, and have faith that her teacher will fill me in, I am probably most proud that she is so dedicated and enthusiastic.
I could not be more proud of the two children I am raising, As a mum, I often get a lot of mum guilt for so many things, and I spend half of my time, wondering if I am doing an ok job, and feeling like I am failing. I think all parents feel this way sometimes, but it is so nice to sit back, and actually enjoy the children and see them for who they are, and appreciate that actually you are doing a good job, and your children are perfect to you and it is ok to feel proud and honoured to be their parent and share in their successes.
I can look at my children, and see I am doing well. But it is the best feeling in the world when other people acknowledge it too. We had a christening last weekend and my two were amazing at the service and at the party at the pub afterwards, they behaved beautifully, I didn’t have to raise my voice once, they entertained themselves, sat nicely and I had a wonderful day. And the nicest part was hearing people say how good the children were! I don’t need other people to tell me they’re great, I know they are but its still nice to hear especially when five minutes later, they’re winding you up again and you want to lock yourself in the bathroom and eat chocolate all day! But for those brief, shining moments, they were amazingly, angelic and wonderful and people saw it! Perfection!
For my final moment of overly soppiness – Poppet will be six soon, and having both in school and seeing their reports and hearing how well they are doing and just life generally going relatively smoothly, I started thinking, “wow! where has the time gone?” And as you do, when feeling rather sentimental and sappy, started looking through the old photos, so here is a few oldie but goodie photos of monkey and poppet, looking beautiful and amazing as ever with their own little unique characters! I wanted to share this to show how amazing and unique each and every child is. And although I might still have some days where I feel like my best isn’t good enough, or the children are winding me up and I am having to remind myself to breath every five seconds! I know that feeling won’t last, I know the good days out weigh the bad and I know to appreciate every moment and see the beauty in everything, because as they say, they won’t be small forever and its true!
Todays post was written in reflection of how far I have got in life, in remembrance of what we and countless others have lost and to celebrate all things we have to be thankful for. I wrote it towards the end of Baby Loss Awareness week, as we joined in the Wave of Light for all the babies in the heaven; that are missed from their mummies arms every day. My friend carried her baby to full term, and you never for once think something bad could happen, and yet it can, all over the world. She lost her baby and this was the first time, I had ever really thought about it or talked about such things with anyone. I guess these things had never affected me, so I had never thought about them and I think that goes for a lot of things. So my final thought for the day is, lets not let subjects become taboo. Lets all try to be open and talk about everything, even if it hurts or is painful. The more we share and talk, the more these topics are discussed; awareness will also increase and with it new hope for these subjects too.
Thank you for reading guys!