Ramblings and Aspirations of a Butterfly!

When I first started writing this blog, it was a bit of fun, somewhere to put my thoughts down and share with whoever might be interested or nobody depending how well it went. But it has become something more for me, its still a place for me to share my thoughts and adventures with, but its evolved into something to give me back a bit of myself. I know you all know this and it doesn’t need to be said but I love my children with my whole heart but since becoming a mummy, I’ve felt like that is all I am, mummy to two beautiful children and wife of Mr BC, and this is a great role don’t get me wrong and I love that I was picked for it, but I feel like mummy/wife takes a lot of my time, I don’t always have time to be just Tina. We are part of a very time poor society, I am trying to get better but its a true fact that we are time poor. I spend so much of my life running between school/work/after-school events/parties and other things that just need to be done, that we miss what is happening and we forget to be in the moment.

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Ice Lollies after a bike ride~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I always try to be in the moment with my children though, I spend a lot of time doing things with the children, as I want to have good memories to look back on and I want the children to have good memories and know that when I with them I am living the moment and hopefully they can feel this. But I spend so much time making sure they are happy, and they have my attention that sometimes I forget that I am allowed time for myself too. Everyone needs time to themselves, either to just spend it quietly, or to do something for yourself that is just for you, not for someone else. I have a lot of things I like to do, but my main things are reading, crafting and now my blog. I love that at the end of the week, I can write and reflect on what my week has been like, or share some of my wonderful memories from the week, or just have a good old moan about how my life is always so chaotic! This moan doesn’t last long though, as I actually enjoy the chaos!

So, returning to the point, in a society where we are time poor and each spare moment is important, it occurred to me that I actually love spending time with the children,creating things with them, playing with them, taking them to new and special places and generally just having fun with them, but all said and done I do want more, I know it sounds greedy but I still want to do things for me, grow as a person and share what makes me special. I want all of those things, and I want to give my children time and I want to be financially able to do of all these things and its important for me to show my children a good work ethic, so as well as wanting to spend time with the children and to have time for myself, I choose to work! I get to be Tina in a workplace, working hard and making friends, and I write my blog to share a part of myself with the world, and again make new connections. What started as a little bit of fun, has grown and is still growing, I recently created a facebook page, which was very new to me ☺️. As well as talking about my family adventures and working, a huge part of my personality is my passion for reading! Seriously, I am not sure what I would be doing if I had never discovered reading, so in an attempt to do something for myself, in hand with my blog, I have created a book club, to encourage communication between my friends, family and other book lovers, so I can share my passion, continuing to grow and maybe hopefully learn something new in the process and feel like I can be mummy/wife/Tina all rolled into one. An online blog and book club works well for me, as I don’t necessarily have the time to be organising groups and getting people to all be in the same place at the same time is often impossible, but this way people comment/join in when they have a spare moment and can check in whenever they would like. ***

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Books, Books and more books.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Its really hard to talk about something like this topic without getting slight mum guilt though. I can feel it building now whilst I write this, we all suffer from it, its always there and I always feel like I have to explain why I want to work, or why I want five minutes to myself, or why I want something more from life. Do I not think I am lucky enough? Should I not be thankful for everything I have? I ask myself these same questions everyday, and yes I am, so, so lucky and and I am thankful everyday for everything in my life. I often believe I still see the world from a child’s eye, I try to see the beauty in everything, so yes I know how very lucky I am and I hope that I teach my children to appreciate everything and relish in every small detail and never take for granted what they have, but and this is a big but, I also teach them to keep trying new things, learn as much as you can, meet new people and make new friends, don’t settle, keep pushing for something if its what you want. I teach my children to be brave and strive to be the best they can be.

This is an incredible lesson, I think we want all our children to learn, so why should it be different for me as an adult? Why should I stop trying all these things because I became a mum and wife? I still want to be the best I can possibly be, and for some it might be to be the best mum and stay at home  with the children, and that is beautiful, knowing you have given so much for your children, and everything they have learnt has been from your hard work – being at hime 24 hours a day/7 days a week is hard, hard work don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. For others it might be to return to work and work as hard as possible to provide for their family, that is epically impressive, being a mum and working full time – wow! when do you sleep, you rockstar!!! Maybe you don’t have kids yet, maybe you don’t want them, how incredible are you, following your dreams, knowing what you want from life and going for it. Or maybe, your still on your path not knowing what you want or perhaps you haven’t been able to walk the path you had planned, maybe life is tough at the minute and you are persevering and pushing forward the best you can in the situation you find yourself in, you are my hero!! Whatever you choose to do, however you choose to do it, just be the best you can be and follow your own heart.

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Kids doing my makeup~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You’re winning in this life, however you are tackling it! And for all the mothers out there, don’t let mum guilt stand in your way! I won’t be! Of course, I will always put my children first, but I want to keep doing things for myself too, because I want to be the best person for the job I am doing, which in the main part is to be the best mummy to my children that I can be, and as a person I know I love to learn and to try new things and go on adventures, write and read and share, and you know what, I am going to aim to do it as well as I can, because I want my children to see me always striving for what I want, because that is how children learn best – learned behaviour. If they see me trying new things, doing things with them and for them, but also for myself to make myself happy, they too will know they can do things for others but also for their own happiness and that is a lesson I will happily share.

 

***In case you are interested my facebook page book club group is called Butterfly Child Book Club – place to discuss everything bookish, including a monthly read along and discussion, suggestions for books, reviews will go on there, discussions, debates and all the love for all the books!!!***

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