Musings from my hospital bed…

Last week I found myself in hospital, I am still unwell but thankfully I am resting at home. I am thankful for our NHS and the hospital but I would be lying if I said I enjoyed my stay. Does anyone? Everyone kept telling me, I should rest and be thankful for the peace, use the time to catch up on some reading. But for anyone who has been in hospital and really unwell, it isn’t that easy.

I couldn’t read my brain felt foggy and I couldn’t concentrate. I attempted to get some reading in, and I read the same page 4 times before I gave in. It did give me chance to meet some of our wonderful NHS workers, Nurses and Doctors, and gave me time to think. Which as a working mother of two, I don’t always get chance to just rest and think. What are these thoughts I hear you cry out??!! 🙂 Mainly how I am really thankful for the NHS and our workers.

I was surrounded everyday by fellow Butterfly Children, these men and women came into work everyday with a smile on their face. The long hours they work and their genuine caring nature made me feel truly blessed. I am not saying they don’t have bad days, but my experience was a positive one. Alongside doing their jobs, they found the time to check in on me, took an interest in my life and I really felt cared for and looked after. For a mum, this is a strange feeling as I generally do the caring! From the cleaners, to the healthcare assistants all the way up to the Consultant Surgeons, everyone was friendly, approachable and I saw the absolute best side of the NHS. I am not naive as to think that everyones story is like this, but as a society we are quick to condemn when we have a bad experience and not quick enough to compliment. I have had some awful experiences in my life but my recent hospital stayed reminded me, that overall caring people who want to work in hospitals, doctors and for the NHS are genuine good people looking to do the best job they can with the resources they have.

I am obviously glad to be back at home. Resting and trying to recover in a busy household is hard, but I missed my children so much I wouldn’t have it any other way. As both of my children are now in full time school, I do get to rest all day, whilst they learn and play.

Which leads me onto my second pondering. I am lucky to have such an amazing support network around me. If you have an amazing husband, mum, family and friends, you should remember to thank them and love them more often. This was my realisation, I like to do a lot of things myself, but I have so much help, its unbelievable. I have amazing people around me, everyone is great and are always helping me out in big and small ways.
I work part time, I have the two children who go to school, after school clubs and a variety of other extracurricular exciting events. I have always managed to manoeuvre the children and myself without much assistance from my husband, not because he doesn’t want to, (he is an excellent husband and father,) but because he is away so often and we don’t know when he will be here or away, it became easier for me to manage the day to day. But as I am unable to drive, walk or do much of anything at the minute, he has really stepped up. He has been sorting all the school collections and drop offs, sorting out dance classes, exams, parties and clubs.
My mum has also been a godsend, to be honest she always has been and alway will be. If it is possible she has even surpassed herself, our entire household has bad colds, including my mum. Plus she had an accident and bruised all her shoulders, so she is probably sore and feeling rubbish herself. And yet, she has managed to make sure everyone is being fed healthy meals, bath times are happening without incident and everyday the children are packed off the school in beautiful uniforms, snacks and water and on time. Amidst all the chaos, she is a real angel, and I am not sure what we would do without her if I am honest.

And my final thought, is probably the most reassuring as I know I have an amazing husband and mother already. As a social person, my biggest worry is do I as an adult have a support network of friends? As you grow older, or move away from your home town, and take yourself out of situations where its easy to make friends, it does become harder to make friends. I don’t know if this is worry for most but it is for me. I am a really sociable person and I love making friends, I try to be a good person and I would do anything for anyone but if becomes hard to know who you can ask the same from in return, as I mentioned I find it hard asking others for help. Partly because I am afraid to ask, to know if I have made these friendships as a grown up. Do I have friends I can just pop around for a cuppa with? Can I ask a mum to swing round when I feel lonely and ill? Thankfully, in my moment of wondering, I was inundated with texts and messages from lots of friends to check in on me, and I wonder no more. As it turns out, these worries are probably silly but we all do have them. Even as grown ups, we have moments of insecurity. It is nothing to be ashamed of, as long as we don’t let it get us down and turn into a real fear. I, of course have friends, and I am sure I could turn to any of them in my hour of need, but it doesn’t mean for me, that my insecurity is not real for me. Just as whatever your insecurity may be, is very real for you. And this was my moment of enlightenment, everyone has fears, insecurities, moments of worry. We shouldn’t let these small things affect our life but we shouldn’t be ashamed of them either. My fear of not making friends, or being lonely makes me strive to be a good person so people will see this and want to be my friend and thus expand my little network of support. Sometimes our little quirks make us who we are!

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